The healing healing power of active listening is something I learned from watching my Mom who was an active listening expert. She didn’t psychologically analyze, offer Dr. Phil advice, and only sparingly quoted scripture references.
She mostly, simply listened. Non-judgmentally. But in a focused manner that was all in on what you were saying.
From Mom I learned that active listening…
Makes people feel valued
Provides a release valve for bottled up emotions
Is a pathway for working through problems simply by talking it through with someone who listens.
And Mom had no college education. No formal training, certifications or listening accolades. But one by one, she provided healing through a listening ear. Something anyone can do. Here’s how.
The healing power of active listening. It begins by giving undivided attention.
Sounds obvious, but do you?
Or are you really
just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can start?
And while they’re talking, you’re formulating thoughts on what you plan to say. Considering solutions to their problem. Drawing from the depths of profound wisdom. Or perhaps just mentally pausing to casually observe what’s going on around you.
Listening Means…well, listening.
I know. It’s harder
than you think. Active listening takes discipline because your mind processes
information much quicker than someone speaks. So it’s way ahead of the
conversation. Waiting for their mouth to catch up. Plenty of time for it to
wander off.
Consider lunch.
Calculate stock trades. Cogitate the deeper meanings of life.
Of course, you have to be intentional. Pause your thoughts. Bridle your brain. Focus, grasshopper. Or you’ll wander away from active listening to mind meandering along various thought trails of inattentiveness.
So when actively listening, make eye contact with the other person. Lean in. Perhaps even jot notes on a pad of paper. You’ll hear, understand and comprehend more effectively.
The healing power of active listening. It makes hearing and understanding the priority.
When listening to someone share a problem, a first inclination is to solve the problem. Provide wise counsel and guidance. Even when the other person may only want to be heard and feel empathetic understanding.
But it’s an immediate, active listening disconnect. You wanting to solve. Them wanting to be heard. The conversation is unsatisfying for both of you.
Therefore, avoid this by asking clarifying questions and summarizing what the other person says. This lets them talk through the problem. See it from different angles. Maybe even consider a different perspective.
And it keeps you on track. To say, “Yes, I am actively listening and understanding you.”
But keep in mind that people may struggle to articulate their thoughts. Especially in the midst of emotional drama. They may use words that don’t accurately describe what they really mean. Or different from how you define them.
Also, when you summarize what they just said in your own words and they agree with you, it improves the level of mutual understanding.
The healing power of active listening. It’s empathetic and shares stories.
We all want to feel understood and like others share our pain. That’s what active listening communicates to another person.
And why it’s so powerful…so healing. It assures people what they’re going through is a shared human experience. That you are there for support.
So it’s helpful to share similar life experiences with some level of vulnerability. Confess your own mistakes or doubts. How you’ve navigated them. Come out on the other side. And lessons learned.
Although your primary mission is to actively listen. So sharing specific details is unnecessary. But be authentic and express your humanity.
In other words, here’s my experience…my takeaway…my adjustment. Assure the other person you are a work in progress. A member of the human family and fellow life traveler. But maybe there’s something from your journey that can help them on theirs.
Active Listening Is Enhanced By Spiritual Engagement
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I can invite God’s presence into an active listening encounter through prayer. And He often brings spiritual discernment, relevant scripture and stories to mind in a way that amazes me. Even better, He offers hope.
As a result, active listening lets me participate in healing the soul. But prayer engages the God who heals the eternal, human spirit. For He is the ultimate, caring listener. And the final ANSWER to every problem.
About Chip Tudor:
Chip Tudor is an author, blogger and professional writer. He publishes books, humorous Christian drama, and thought provoking blogs from a Christian worldview.This blog is originally published here.
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Winning the competition of comparison is a silent contest. An internal mind game. Mostly kept to yourself as you seek significance. Search for meaning. And wonder how you rate on the grand scale of life.
And every day while navigating among the masses. Riding the up and down roller coaster of ordinary existence. You, me and all of us…compare ourselves to others. The list includes our…
Looks
Level of income
Material possessions
Intelligence
Popularity
Skills/Talents
Achievements
Social Status
Education
Physique
Athleticism
Careers
And…you get the point right?
And the point is…
Sometimes we win. Other times lose. The first case fosters pride, the second jealousy. Neither are healthy or productive. And when left unchecked becomes consuming, comparison competition that takes you captive.
And that’s sad.
Because in every comparison competition there will always be someone with more and someone with less than you. So you’ll never completely win.
You and I know this. But we can’t stop ourselves. And while complete freedom from comparison might be impossible, here are some winning strategies to minimize its grip.
Winning the competition of comparison. Recognize its universal nature.
You’re not alone in the comparison competition game. We all play. And there’s lots of psycho babble explaining why.
But the bottom line?
We all want to matter and compare ourselves against others
to see how we stack up. It’s just what we do.
You can trace it back to the first family. The literal first family—after Adam and Eve are banished from the Garden of Eden. In this scene, Cain and Abel, their two sons, take offerings to the Lord. God looks favorably on Abel but not on Cain.
In other words, Cain doesn’t compare well next to Abel. Cain’s killer response is pretty drastic and not one I recommend, but comparison has marked the human experience ever since.
And knowing this is the first step to minimizing its affect on your life.
Winning the competition of comparison. Celebrate God’s gifts.
We all have gifts God from God. They are distributed differently and that’s intentional. By acknowledging and accepting this, I can celebrate the ones God gave you and you can celebrate the ones He gave me.
It also reduces pride since I can’t take credit for my gifts. And jealousy too, since I know you can’t take credit for your gifts either.
So then what?
Well, we work hard to develop skills and abilities. Hone physiques and athleticism through grueling workouts. Study and write boo-coos of papers into the wee morning hours on the path to a degree and employ innovation to earn high incomes.
But the raw ingredients from which all that flows are gifts from God. No one can take credit for them. They are purposefully assigned for us to use for the kingdom and glory of God.
And when you do, that’s when you sense the meaning and significance you desire.
Winning the competition of comparison. Learn contentment.
Why is finding contentment so illusive?
Well for one, we mistakenly believe contentment is the
natural result of having enough. And it isn’t.
Because our natural, sinful disposition is to always want more. We may feel guilty about this, but it doesn’t make the desire go away.
And two, as the Apostle Paul points out, you don’t FIND or ACHIEVE contentment. You LEARN it.
And how do you learn contentment?
It begins with the recognition and acceptance that who we are and what we have is according to God’s providence.
This learning takes place over time as you lean gratefully on God through both scarcity and plenty. By accepting God’s Sovereignty and trusting His goodness and care in the midst of both.
And recognizing along the way that joy, satisfaction and even dissatisfaction are present in both.
Winning the competition of comparison. Two simple practices.
Wish I could say I’ve arrived at a state of complete fulfillment and totally quit the comparison competition.
But totally not true.
I have, however, learned a couple of practices that reduce its affect.
Compare down rather than up
One day I was driving down the street of my neighborhood noticing cars parked in driveways. Elite foreign models, plush SUV’s, luxury sedans. I began complaining to myself about the 15-year old, slightly rusted, compact car I was driving. Didn’t I deserve a nice car too?
However, when I pulled onto a main road, I passed a city metro bus stop where a group of people waited in a drizzling rain. And I felt a shoulder tap and quiet voice say, “Those people don’t have cars.”
A light bulb went off and…
I suddenly realized I was comparing up against people that had more than me. But when I compared down, there were many people that had less.
It was a good lesson and positive step towards contentment.
So now when I begin to compare up, I switch to comparing down. The change of perspective works wonders on changing my attitude.
Express gratitude for what you have
When dis-satisfied with what you don’t have, express gratitude for what you do have. Again, flip the perspective. A heart of gratitude and appreciation for your blessings goes a long ways toward improving your attitude and sense of contentment.
Therefore, winning the competition of comparison is not winning in the sense that you stack up well against others. It’s winning in the sense of accepting who you are and learning to be content with what you have.
About Chip Tudor:
Chip Tudor is an author, blogger and professional writer. He publishes books, humorous Christian drama, and thought provoking blogs from a Christian worldview.This blog is originally published here.
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This four week study dives directly into God’s word. It includes an individual study with an exegetical approach that examines word meaning, provides background information, and thought provoking questions for reflection and journaling, And a weekly, group study guide that promotes a lively group discussion around other scripture references, personal stories, and life experiences that help apply scriptural truth to life.
I strive to be a Get’er Done Leader. Because I lead a team of young, smart and talented church professionals that get things done.
I one have advantage over my team—more accumulated years of experience. So like Thomas Edison, I’ve learned thousands of ways NOT to do things. And by pursuing a smaller selection of untried choices, the odds increase I might choose the right one.
Process of elimination.
Therefore, as a Get’er Done Leader, I improve the success of team members by navigating them through decisions and minimizing their number of mistakes.
Simple math.
Here are three Be’s of Get’er Done Leaders, who lead people to get things done. I’m sure there are more.
A Get’er Done Leader Should Be Accessible
Sound obvious, I know, but are you? It begins with a real desire to help team members succeed. Because if your team members don’t feel like they can approach you, they won’t approach you.
Like…Duh!
And you’ll never
know what problems they’re facing…and can possibly help solve.
You also won’t gain their trust. And trust is a big deal. When they trust you, they’ll also share the emotional struggles and drama around problems. And might be integral to finding a solution.
But you won’t know if they don’t tell you. And they won’t tell you if they don’t trust you. Or guardedly, only partially share so you never fully understand the whole issue.
Of course, you need to get things done too. So if necessary, build structure around your availability. Team members will understand. Just be sure they know you will always make time for them when needed.
A Get’er Done Leader Should Be A Team Player
Get’re Done Leaders
are the greatest fans, cheerleaders and supporters for team members. And affirm
them regularly.
This encourages
them to take risks. And that’s when cool, unexpected things happen. When your
team members know you understand that not all risks pay off, but you encourage
them to try anyway.
When they know you
aren’t threatened if their idea is better than yours. And you give them the
credit for it.
In a church, add much prayer and it creates an environment where God shows up in amazing ways.
If team members feel
you’re there to correct, criticize and point out mistakes, they won’t take
chances. They will play it safe. Protect the posterior. And you’ll miss out on
their creativity and imagination.
When your team sees you as one of them, they participate with more enthusiasm. Meetings invite fun, laughter and synergy, which produces innovation. And result in greater efficiency and productivity.
Most importantly, don’t present yourself as the one with all the answers. Because DUDE…YOU DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
But your team members might. So create an environment that fosters ideas and everyone is free to share. And you’ll discover more answers as a team.
A Get’er Done Leader Should Be Humble
Easy to say, but often hard to do. When you profess humility with your mouth, look down appropriately and shuffle your feet with fake sincerity, but your heart and soul doesn’t follow. No one is fooled. Except maybe you.
Pride is poison to Get’er Done leaders. Because it’s like a slow working, addictive drug that creates disharmony. The corrupting sense that you’re in charge…the big cheese…ultimate decision maker.
As team members defer to you, they keep their thoughts to themselves. Not good. Because their thoughts…ideas…creativity. That’s what you want. And you lose without them.
So don’t proclaim
all the answers. Ask lots of questions. And encourage your team members to do
the same.
Embrace these three “BE’s” of Get’er Done leadership and I believe that you and your team will get more things done…together.
Where can you find God in tragedies? Seems like a fair question right? Especially when it seems like tragedies are falling one after another. Like never ending dominos.
With national fame in Opioid overdose deaths, devastating Memorial Day tornadoes and most recently, a deadly mass shooting, people are asking: What in the world is going on in Dayton, Ohio?
Additionally, I hear those two dreaded questions…the ones, we in the Christian faith struggle to answer…and sometimes even haunt us: Why does God let terrible things happen? Where is God in the midst of tragedies?
My answer to the first gets theological. It involves the Sovereign will of God, His greater purpose, and the assurance that God causes all things to work together for good. All scripturally sound teaching.
But not much help to victims and grieving families. Offering loving compassion and support is a better approach.
And while I struggle with the “why” I have no doubt on “where” you’ll find God in tragedies.
You’ll Find God In Tragedies Present In The Hearts Of His People
Usually when people ask where God is during tragic events, they look for a big, dramatic appearance. Yes, God has and does show up dramatically, but not always.
When ancient Israel was pinned against the Red Sea as an Egyptian army approached, God miraculously parted the waters for their escape. A big, dramatic, miraculous act of God.
Hollywood even made a movie about it!
But thousands of years later, the same group of people…millions of them…suffered the Holocaust. God intervened on one occasion, but not the other. And that’s puzzling.
There is one place, however where God is always present. And that’s in the hearts of people who personally invite Him into their life. That’s where His greatest transforming work is done. Starting individually and then expanding corporately through the church.
You’ll Find God In Tragedies Most Commonly Acts Through His People
God’s transforming work in His followers motivates them to pursue Him in relationship and obey His teachings. Not because they have to, but want to. Demonstrating their love for God through acts of service.
In general life and in the midst of tragedies, God’s people offer multiple acts of service, often quietly, individually and inconspicuously. And in more significant ways through organized church endeavors.
As a result, thousands of small, ordinary miracles are weaved into a blanket of God’s love. It’s how God best presents Himself.
But you have to pay
attention. Because this faithful activity regularly misses the news. And yet,
through it God’s presence is visibly demonstrated.
Of course, others who may not consider themselves Christ followers participate in community service too. But followers do so specifically in the name of Jesus and for the glory of God.
You’ll Find God In Tragedies Presents Remedies That Offer A Personal Response
So why does it seem
like God’s presence in the world is growing more remote?
Because God indwells only those who personally respond and invite Him into their lives. It’s where God always starts. And when you do, you’ll always know where He is. Where you’ll always find God in tragedies.
But it requires a
heart and soul commitment that a shrinking number of people choose to make. It’s much easier and convenient to clamor for a solution. To expect someone else to fix the problem.
But when I
personally respond to God, He compels me to BE part of the solution. To partner
in His work so He accomplishes it, in and through me. To engage rather than
demand.
This is part of God’s
greater purpose for all of us. And where His presence in Dayton and beyond will be unmistakable and
complete.
The Biblical story of Noah’s Ark in Genesis is more than a children’s Bible lesson.
It’s also mentioned in eight other books of the Bible, which includes Jesus describing it as a real event.
Here are four lessons the story of Noah’s Ark has for all of us.
THE BIBLICAL STORY OF NOAH’S ARK REVEALS THE CHARACTER OF GOD
It’s affirmed throughout the Bible. God is love.
But if you stop there…focus only on God’s love…the story of Noah’s Ark is puzzling. Because the next obvious question is…
How can a loving God
simply wipe people off the face of the earth? How can a loving God send people
to hell?
To make sense of it you have to understand that God is also…
HOLY, RIGHTEOUS & JUST
Since God grants us free will, we get to make our own decisions. And bad decisions lead to bad behavior. Even to a level of evil. Scripture calls this sin and says we’re all perpetrators at some level.
God lets us carry on with sinful behavior for a season—which we’re in right now—but not forever.
Because God is holy and just, He eventually deals with sin and judges with perfect fairness. But because of His love, He wants to spare us. Therefore He…
Makes a provision
Noah’s ark was God’s provisional flood escape plan. While building it, Noah warned everyone about the coming disaster so they had the same opportunity for escape. But they refused to listen and respond.
And Jesus Christ represents God’s eternal provision today—for those who listen and respond.
THE BIBLICAL STORY OF NOAH’S ARK PUSHES AGAINST SOCIAL CONVENTIONS
God tells Noah to build an ark and provides instructions.
And Noah builds it all the while proclaiming the coming flood. The first religious nutcase! Especially considering the word “flood” wasn’t even in the ancient parchment dictionary.
You can imagine the laughter. The ridicule. The late night monologue jokes.
Had it been today, Noah wouldn’t make it past the city
building permit.
But Noah persevered. Ignoring popular opinion. Pushing
against the culture. Perhaps feeling alone and isolated.
And thousands of years later, Jesus did likewise. Hanging out with social outcasts and infuriating the religious elite by healing people on the Sabbath. Not breaking the command itself, but the extra rules the religious leaders unfairly piled on top of it.
The point is, when you strive to honor God and pursue a relationship with Jesus Christ, you’ll stand out in the crowd. Push against the culture. And the drivers of the popular culture may snub you in return. Ridicule you. Maybe worse.
And rather than assuring complete protection, Jesus simply says to deny yourself and follow him. No wonder the number of Jesus followers keeps dwindling.
THE BIBLICAL STORY OF NOAH’S ARK TELLS US GOD PRESENTS GOD SIZE PROJECTS
Did God really have to make Noah take all the animals with
him? What about herding them up the side of a mountain and stopping the water
below them rather than cover the entire earth?
Then Noah could build a much smaller boat. One just big enough for his family, pack a little food and call it a two-week vacation cruise.
Instead God tells Noah to build a massive ark that takes 120 years to complete. Then he’s cramped up with a load of smelly animals he has to care for and surrounded by water for a year…without a hot shower.
Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
The point being, God gives Noah a job so big he has to rely on God to accomplish it.
Why?
Because had Noah succeeded on his own he would have taken the credit for it. The same is true for us. God gives us arks to complete that require His help so we give Him the appropriate recognition and glory.
THE BIBLICAL STORY OF NOAH’S ARK TELLS US WHEN GOD GIVES A BIG ASSIGNMENT HE PROVIDES THE RESOURCES AND WE PROVIDE FAITHFULNESS
God could have delivered the ark to Noah assembled and ready to go. But He didn’t. Or make it more bite size, more manageable for Noah to accomplish. Not that either.
In fact, God didn’t need Noah at all. He could have created someone new and improved with the snap of His fingers.
What Noah DID provide was faithfulness in pursuing a life God approved of and in following God’s command.
And it teaches us something else about God.
Not only does God love and provide for us, He invites us into
His work. We don’t have to. We’re not doing Him a favor by participating. But
when we do, we’re the ones that are blessed. Go figure, right?
You see faith is never merely passive belief. As James says, it’s lived out through our actions.
So what’s your ark? What massive spiritual assignment is God handing you? Think it’s too big for God and you to complete? Or is perhaps, your faithfulness to and view of God too small?
About Chip Tudor:
Chip Tudor is an author, blogger and professional writer. He publishes books, humorous Christian drama, and thought provoking blogs from a Christian worldview.This blog is originally published here.
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