I read about influence because it’s important in my work as a freelance copywriter. And I understand how it applies to advertising, marketing communications, and public relations. But I was recently reminded it has a much broader application. It’s a lesson I will never forget.
My family and I attended the opening ceremony of a new conference building at the Indiana State Baptist Assembly. The event included dedicating a children’s resource/conference room in the name of my late mother-in-law, Diane Phillips. She died of cancer a few years ago after devoting her life to Children’s Ministry.
The room was breathtakingly beautiful. Its paneled walls a glossy, cherry stained wood that demonstrated expert craftsmanship. We learned that volunteers worked hundreds of hours to cut down, mill, and finish the wood from trees on the camps’ property.
After the award presentation, a woman from the state Baptist office approached us. She explained that she had never met Diane, but had observed the volunteers who worked on the room. The time they invested, the loyalty they demonstrated, and the loving way they labored in Diane’s honor convinced her that Diane was a remarkable woman who exerted a significant influence on others. And it would continue through the resource room that would assist ministry.
As I’ve reflected on what she said, I’ve wondered.
Does my influence mostly direct attention to myself as an authority in order to promote my business? Or does it extend significantly further towards something of greater, intrinsic worth?
Here’s what I’ve learned from the experience.
The path to significant influence is anchored in a significant source.
Diane was a recognized expert in Children’s ministry. She was a featured speaker at both the state and national level. The knowledge and insight she shared at conferences and seminars helped other pastors improve in Children’s Ministry. But the source of her influence was not from her own expertise or authority. But her commitment and passion to a greater cause—her faith in Jesus Christ.
Rather than draw attention to herself, she directed it towards her Savior and Lord. And her influence inspired in others a shared vision that went beyond her. So those volunteers who labored so loyally on that room were not just working to honor Diane. They were partners in ministry working to honor the God she served. Diane’s life on earth is over, but those she influenced carry on the vision she inspired in them. To me that’s pretty significant.
The path to significant influence is marked by lasting values.
Diane was unpretentious. But I’m certain she would have appreciated the practical nature of the conference/resource room that was dedicated in her honor. It represents a practical tool in a ministry that she valued. Because her commitment and passion was contagious, it influenced others by shaping in them similar values.
This is significant because…
The real impact of Diane’s life, of anyone’s life for that matter, is measured by the influence their values have another’s character. Very few physical achievements will make a positive impact beyond one generation. But positive values can influence and impact one generation after another. Consider the power of this value that has been handed down for 2,000 years:
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Regardless of your religious convictions and beliefs about life after death, we share a universal reality. There’s only one thing of real significance that remains when you’re gone—people. That’s where your influence will have its most lasting effect.
The path to significant influence is most powerfully affected by personal presence.
Social media is big. And it’s a powerful tool for driving influence. But it pales in size next to your personal presence. Diane never wrote a book or a blog. Instead, she wove her influence into many lives through inter-personal communication and one on one interaction. The take away? Your most profound and lasting influence will be on those who are closest to you.
Why?
Because they know the real you. How you react when someone cuts you off in traffic…what you say when you smash your finger…the things you watch and read. You know…the person you are when you think nobody’s watching…BUT THEY ARE. The people closest to you validate your authenticity and even more…reflect it in their lives.
So write blogs, publish books, and impart wisdom and advice in snippets on social media. But keep in mind that none of it compares to the power of your presence. It’s caught more than taught by your real authenticity. And as your influence rubs off on others, it is demonstrated in their lives. And so on…and so on.
So anchor you influence in a significant source, mark it with lasting value, and engage not just with your words, but with your personal presence. It will add significance to your life now and for generations to come. That’s what Diane did with her life. It’s what I’d like to do with mine. How about you?
About Chip Tudor:
Chip Tudor is an author, blogger and professional writer. He publishes books, humorous Christian drama, and thought provoking blogs from a Christian worldview.This blog is originally published here.
One Saturday afternoon after completing a number of chores and miscellaneous projects around the house, I settled on the couch with a book. I was satisfied that I had met my work quota for the day. My wife walked by, glanced out the window, and mentioned that the grass needed to be cut. I looked out the window, agreed with her, and went back to the book.
She was assuming that cutting the grass meant now. I assumed it meant sometime soon, but soon could mean later in the day or even tomorrow. Neither one of us shared this thought with the other. And the issued resurfaced later in a much livelier discussion. A lively discussion that might have been avoided had we both communicated our thoughts more clearly at the beginning. I say “might” because when it comes to what needs to be done vs what you want to do, there will always be conflicts related to procrastination and post-poned gratification.
Ever have something like that happen to you? Sure you have.
On another occasion I led a team discussion on a project that required arranging special guests. A team member volunteered to “work with the guests.” I agreed assuming this meant he would collaborate with me on deciding on particular themes and guests. He assumed he was in charge of making all the decisions. It resulted in a disagreement that would have been avoided had we understood one another up front.
I’m sure you’ve been there with similar miscommunication issues related to assumptions. Those thoughts that we keep to ourselves, yet expect the other person to automatically know. And of course, unless you are the Mentalist, you don’t. So here are 3 simple steps to avoid the problems assumptions cause.
Ask Questions:
It would have been a simple matter to ask my wife what she was thinking as it related to the grass. Of course, the reality is, I already know that whenever she makes a suggestion like that, she means “now.” So it was probably a bad example to use in the first place, except if you’re married, I’m sure you relate. The second example, however, occurs all the time in business settings. It demonstrates how two people can share a similar goal, yet approach it very differently. Now there’s nothing wrong with a different approach as long as both parties understand and agree to it. Had I simply asked, “what do you mean by working with the guests?” I could have avoided the misunderstanding caused by an assumption. Doesn’t mean we might not still have problems related to our different perspectives. But we could at least deal with them in an honest, straight-forward manner.
Clarify:
Even when you think you understand it’s a good practice to verbally summarize your understanding of what the other person said. It gets your thoughts out there and allows them to do the same. Your different assumptions can be identified, discussed, and ironed out into a mutual understanding. It may not be an understanding you both like or even agree with. But at least there are no unpleasant surprises.
Get a Sign-off:
When your discussion reaches a final understanding, summarize it and ask for an acknowledgement. “So, as I understand it, we’re saying…is that right?” Getting the other person to acknowledge the agreement increases their commitment to it, which reduces the chance of a misunderstanding. I say reduces, because there is no such thing as completely eliminating. They may still say later: “I thought you meant this when you said that.”
Okay, so maybe the problems caused by assumptions never really stop, but we can and should try to minimize them as much as possible. Consistently using these 3 steps will help you do so.
It’s in the Declaration of Independence. Along with life and liberty, I have an unalienable right to the pursuit of happiness. Hmm. Seems like most of my time is spent in the pursuit. Actually achieving it…and enjoying that illusive American Dream…is an ongoing quest. I suspect this may be true for many people. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve experienced many happy moments. And I’m confident more are ahead. But I’ll never be happy all the time.
Why?
Because happiness is an emotion. And emotions are an up and down roller coaster ride throughout life. Therefore, I won’t experience constant happiness. Regardless of what any song says.
So how should I approach it?
Well, as a husband and father, the happiness of my family is important. I want them to be safe, comfortable, happy, and within reason, to possess what they desire. I work hard to solve their problems and provide an environment for happiness to flourish.
But as a man of faith, I know there is more to consider. Because happiness is circumstantial and therefore, fleeting. A new car, a job advancement, good grades on a report card, making the elite squad, a starring role in the show…all the things that I normally associate with happiness are temporary. Circumstances ebb and flow like the changing tide. And despite my best efforts, many things are simply beyond my control. So along with the good, my family and I can also expect to experience difficult, sorrowful, and painful circumstances that cause unhappiness.
Perhaps that’s why a word search of the Bible (NIV) reveals that happy and happiness are mentioned 30 times and joy, joyful, and joyous are mentioned 234 times. Because joy is based on a relationship that transcends difficult circumstances. Doesn’t mean they are not still challenging and painful. It just means that God’s sustaining presence helps me through them.
Joy is the result of an eternal hope…an eternal destiny and is therefore, impervious to the temporal. Yes, I will continue to strive for happiness. It’s part of my human nature. But ultimately, I choose joy. To do so engages the supernatural and follows a path to complete, everlasting satisfaction.
I recently engaged in a recruitment drive for softball players. We were a couple players short for an upcoming game so I picked up the phone and called 9 guys I knew were potential subs. I reached two who told me they already had obligations. I left voice mail messages for the others. And even though I specifically asked them to let me know one way or the other, not one returned or ever acknowledged my call.
Is this the new social standard or am I disliked more than I thought?
I understand the inconvenience of returning a phone call. The five seconds to dial, fifteen seconds of social pleasantries, and final ten seconds of saying “thanks for the invitation but I already have plans” can seem like an eternity. Of course you’re under no obligation to elaborate on those plans so it really is possible to keep the entire conversation under 60 seconds.
Or perhaps the universally shared fear of rejection has convinced us that by not returning the call and sharing bad news, we’re somehow saving the other person from this psychologically devastating blow to their self-esteem. In which case, you really need to cut down on how much time you’re watching Dr. Phil. Because personally, I think completely ignoring a phone call is inconsiderate and treats the other person inconsequently. I’d much rather be rejected than ignored.
So here’s another way to view it. By returning my phone call you affirm that I am a person of value that you respect enough to give your time. You also confirm to me that you are thoughtful and follow through with integrity.
And if you’re really concerned about my self-esteem, make it clear you’re rejecting the activity and not me personally. Affirm me, by thanking me for the invitation and maybe even throw in the fact you would really enjoy the opportunity to play another time, but you have to pass on this occasion(okay, if you really think I’m jerk, a lousy softball player, and don’t want to play ball with me, this part is optional).
By taking this approach, you affirm me AND reinforce my positive opinion of you all in less than a minute. A win-win situation. Now that wasn’t so hard was it?
To write sleek copy that makes an impact in your advertising/marketing material, start by writing in an active, rather than a passive voice. It will make your copywriting clear, direct, and easier to read. This is, after all, the goal in marketing communications.
So what do I mean by active voice?
In active voice, the subject of your sentence does the acting.
I drove a new car. You start the campfire. The crowd, united by a love of music, eagerly listened to the rock band.
In passive voice, the subject is acted upon.
The new car was driven by me. The campfire will be started by you. The rock band will be eagerly listened to by a crowd that is united by a love of music.
Notice the difference? Passive voice is dull, lifeless, and wordy. And the more words used in your copy, the greater the chance of confusing the audience. But don’t worry about that. A few seconds of reading the passive drivel above and they’re gone in a flash anyway.
Some people think passive writing makes content sound more formal. So they write…
The theme that was most commonly dealt with by this author is the topic being evaluated in this paper.
And you think your academic, professional, or technical audience is actually impressed by this? Especially when you could have just written…
This paper will evaluate the most common theme by this author.
Personally, I’m much more impressed by someone who takes a straight forward approach that is easy to understand. The goal, after all, should be to communicate a message to an audience, not impress an audience with your literary superiority. So when checking your content, look for these common words that passively sap the life from your writing: was, have, has, is, being, be, and by. Eliminate them and transform your writing into an active voice that strengthens the power of your marketing message.
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